Hello everyone, This is Mom. I have to say that today has been one of the hardest in my Son’s life. Shoot, it would be hard for an adult let alone a child. I know everyone here thinks of him as a young man. But in fact he is 16 and My baby boy. Sometimes, things happen that are hard for adults to understand and as an adult we stuggle to figure out how to answer all a child’s questions at a time like that. This is one of those times.
You see on top of Betty, My Mother in Law, Passing away today my Son went to the roping pen to rope. He likes to do that to clear his head and help sort things out. It gives him time when he can pretend that what ever is going on isn’t really happening. It is his chance to focus on something he knows and can control in an ever changing world that he has no control over. However, today that same roping pen proved he has no control there either. As he struggled with his demons of the day the unthinkable happened.
Pup for whatever reason took out after the calf RJ was trying to rope and was not only trampled by the calf but by the horse that RJ rode. It happened so fast and Pup was killed instantly. He didn’t suffer in anyway. He was only 5 months old so that makes it so very hard as RJ has been brought up that people are the caretakers of the animals of the world and we are here to protect and keep God’s creatures safe. Dad was also there in the roping pen and both Men say it is their fault. RJ because he couldn’t stop the horse before it trampled Pup and Lee because he was on the ground and couldn’t stop Pup when he bolted.
Pup didn’t suffer and was killed instantly but that is no comfort to anyone. In an already saddened time for us this is like a very painful slap in the face. Today we buried Pup and tomorrow we have services for Betty. I am hear to tell you the Straw Family Farm has been brought to it’s knees and are praying for God to reach down his hand and touch us in a positive and healing way.
I have used every cliche you can imagine to ease RJ’s and Lee’s pain. I have tried to tell them that when God takes something he is opening your hand for something better. RJ and Lee both don’t want anything better they want what they had … RJ his Dog and Lee his Mom. I have tried the “they are in a better place” speech and how they are no longer hurting … But RJ and Lee are hurting and can’t believe God would leave them with the pain they have in their hearts.
Well, I am all out of cliches folks and though my own tears I have to say that I have lived through alot in my life but today was the hardest I have ever known. Not because of what you might think though. I had pain for the loss of Betty and Pup But my biggest pain was for the Men in my life to have so much pain that I could not ease. As I stood in my kitchen tonight, I held both my son and my husband as they broke down and sobbed tears of pain in my arms. Honestly, I don’t know how much more we can take. Everyone is trying so hard to not cry in front of everyone else for fear it will upset them. Everyone is trying to be strong for the others but none of us are getting the job done.
Frankly, I don’t know that I am much help…. I am writing this after finishing my Mother In Laws Obituary … both things I am doing to show my guys that I can be strong for them. All the while doubting I can keep putting off dealing with my own feelings and trying not to fall apart myself. I know we will get through this. How I don’t know. I just know that we are a strong family and together things will get better. As for all of you … You are watching the breakdown of a family in crisis trying to put life back together and hopefully be stonger for it.
Please fasten your seat belts and keep all arms and legs inside the car … if you dare to stay with us as we take this very bumpy ride we call our lives.